Barack Obama

Fox News came out with a real doozy today. They were so super-sad to inform us that while Obama was speaking, a student at George Washington University committed suicide. Seriously guys, Fox News is really devastated by the coincidental and poor timing of this; the current homepage of Fox's website may or may not read: "Obama's Speech Sparked Suicide" right now. Go check.

Just to be careful. In more shitty news, a couple robbed a thirteen-year-old girl's lemonade stand. As if it could get worse, the itty, bitty Mother Teresa was selling lemonade to raise money for her cousin's medical condition. Which was being born with part of his brain missing. Really.

Speaking of precocious children, this eight-year-old movie critic, who is not dissimilar to a small version of Gilbert Gottfried, artfully states: "Inception is visually stunning" while the forty-year-old anchorman sits next to him and agrees, " is, uh, actually pretty good."

Continuing with impressive children, watch this amazing human: all I want to know is who raised this miracle of a well-adjusted, humorous, confident pre-teen. Also, are you considering adopting?

Commentarium (12 Comments)

Apr 14 11 - 8:42pm

Sorry, I saw Fox News at the time you are referring. Nerve is obviously vying for the "Faux" (only the American pronunciation would approximate the slander to which most refer) News.

For shame, Ms. Lina.

Apr 14 11 - 8:48pm

Thanks PubicLiceus. Also... nice username.

Apr 14 11 - 10:23pm

Thanks, Lina. Who will set the record straight?

Apr 14 11 - 10:23pm

Incidentally, the username was bestowed by some fans of mine.

Apr 15 11 - 9:38am

Fans who don't understand Latin, clearly, nor the need for open dialogue. Pinheads, really.

Apr 15 11 - 9:32am

The actual Fox News headline: "GWU Suicide Tragically Coincides with Obama Speech."

There is no denying that whoever wrote the headline wanted to draw some connection between the two events, though obviously there is absolutely no evidence of this. That leaves behind a particularly hateful bias as the only motivation, in my opinion. Stay classy, Fox News.

PS To the Nerve editors: fix your tag, it says "...suicide at Georgetown" as of right now. Georgetown, quite thankfully, isn't the same school as George Washington.

Apr 15 11 - 9:38am

The connection that the headline draws is that they were connected in time.

Apr 15 11 - 10:00am

One suicide occurs every 18 minutes in the US according to this figure which admittedly is a little dated), with one attempt made every minute. So, during Glenn Beck's tenure-that's a lot of suicide that "tragically coincided" with his programming.

Apr 15 11 - 9:41am

And? How many rapes occurred in DC while Republicans were gutting social program funding?

Apr 15 11 - 11:39am

Oh my god I want to adopt that last kid.

Apr 16 11 - 6:54pm

136 people had a heart attack while Obama was speaking, 3 people died in car accidents, several choked to death, a few were murdered and someone just vanished. Bad, bad Obama.

Jul 22 11 - 4:33am

Very valid, pithy, scucnict, and on point. WD.