Fox News came out with a real doozy today. They were so super-sad to inform us that while Obama was speaking, a student at George Washington University committed suicide. Seriously guys, Fox News is really devastated by the coincidental and poor timing of this; the current homepage of Fox's website may or may not read: "Obama's Speech Sparked Suicide" right now. Go check.
Just to be careful. In more shitty news, a couple robbed a thirteen-year-old girl's lemonade stand. As if it could get worse, the itty, bitty Mother Teresa was selling lemonade to raise money for her cousin's medical condition. Which was being born with part of his brain missing. Really.
Speaking of precocious children, this eight-year-old movie critic, who is not dissimilar to a small version of Gilbert Gottfried, artfully states: "Inception is visually stunning" while the forty-year-old anchorman sits next to him and agrees, "Visually…it is, uh, actually pretty good."
Continuing with impressive children, watch this amazing human: all I want to know is who raised this miracle of a well-adjusted, humorous, confident pre-teen. Also, are you considering adopting?