….and, perhaps, other body parts as well. HIGH-FIVES ALL AROUND. Amirite, ladies? Gentlemen? What, no takers? Not even out of pity? Jeez.
Anyway. A bunch of parents (who, most likely, also hate penis jokes) are up in arms over a "vile" PTA-sponsored "ladies' night" fundraiser for Clavering Primary School in Essex, which featured performances by two male exotic dancers named All the Way Jay and Tommy Love. Some of the 100 moms in attendance are so furious about the strippers that they're pulling their children out of school, calling the event "outrageous" and a "disgrace." Which is funny, 'cause I would've said the same thing about a "ladies night" PTA gathering that didn't involve two sweaty English dudes in banana hammocks gyrating their flaccid members into and around my earlobes, but I guess we do things differently in America.
One of the moms spoke to the Telegraph about her decision to pull her five- and seven-year old boys out of the school, calling the event "absolutely awful" and the parents who organized it "sordid, disgusting people." "We try to teach our children about healthy eating but what about healthy morals?" the woman sniffed (presumably while pursing her lips disapprovingly, drinking a cup of Earl Grey with her pinky out, and flipping through a well-worn copy of Where's Wally?, which is what they call Where's Waldo? in the U.K.. The more you know). "I don't want my children using computers funded by such a disgusting event."
According to Clavering Primary School officials, the fundraiser took place off school grounds, and the mothers raised a total of £1560 for the primary school and the local preschool. "We are sorry to learn that some parents were upset to learn of the recent events and assure them future events will be considered more carefully," a spokesperson for the school said. To which all self-respecting Clavering Primary School moms should respond with a collective groan of dismay, dropping a few wads of sweaty twenty-pound bills in the school piggy bank, to ensure that those two ladies don't ruin the fun for everyone.