It’s an age-old question, sort of: if an unknown, undoubtedly creepy stranger offers you no-strings-attached oral sex, sight unseen, do you take him up on it? Such is the dilemma facing magazine-buying women of New York thanks to forty-five-year-old bookkeeper John Westwood, who has been randomly inserting these insanely blunt cards in magazines around the city advertising his, uh, services. "I want to give a woman oral sex and bring her to orgasm,” Westwood explained to Gawker, just in case it wasn’t clear before.
Even though the offer is on the table for all women “eighteen to fifty-nine, any race, ethnicity, nationality, religion” and he specifies that he isn’t at all “freaky-looking,” Westwood hasn’t had any luck so far — of the 116 women he claims have called him since he started the one-man ad campaign, pretty much all of them were pranks, and he’s starting to get huffy about the whole thing: “To be honest with you, I'm quite surprised how immature grown women are,” he sniped.
And make no mistake, maturity is top priority (behind oral sex obviously) for Westwood, as demonstrated by his relationship philosophy: "Well, you know how usually people say let's be friends first and then let's see where it leads? They mean sex,” he says. “I want to do it the reverse. I want sex now. If we have chemistry we can develop a friendship later on." So… any takers?