Man who was 34-year-old virgin starts free “baby-making” service; now has 82 kids

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Forty-two-year-old Dutchman Ed Houben is one of the great unsung heroes of procreation. A virgin until the age of thirty-four, Houben has given the phrase "making up for lost time" a new meaning, fathering eighty-two kids in the last eight years, with ten more on the way. Putting the likes of Russell Brand, Wilt Chamberlain, and Lemmy Kilmister to shame, Houben has sex with around fifteen childless mothers a month, happily making their dreams of motherhood come true. And it's all totally legal, with no money exchanged.

Houben started out donating sperm to local clinics, but eventually transitioned to a more hands-on approach after learning of the market for more natural procreation. Houben is a busy dude, thanks to an eighty-percent success rate in getting women pregnant, due to an unusually high sperm count of 100 million. He uses websites like to connect with his childless "clients," and requires a reciprocal exchange of medical records before getting down to business. 

Aside from his excessive fertility, Houden's popularity can be attributed to the fact that he doesn't charge for his services, while sperm banks generally charge thousands of dollars for inseminations. Houben used to make house calls around Europe, but now that he's the MVP of the WBL (Worldwide Babymaking League), women looking to conceive come to him in his hometown of Maastricht. (Though he will make exceptions if the woman is entering an especially fertile period. But she has to cover his traveling expenses and accommodation, natch.)

Houben's services appear to be as much altruistic as self-interested, but he still makes sure the mothers-to-be sign documents waiving their legal claims to child support, though according to one German family attorney, Houben is still vulnerable to good lawyering. He said, "If all the mothers decided to sue him for maintenance he would be paying them off for the rest of this life, and the next."

Houben has now fathered forty-five girls and thirty-five boys. The genders of two of his offspring are unknown; the mothers won't tell him.