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Meghan McCain assures Playboy she doesn’t hook up with ladies

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Blogger, columnist, and almost-first-daughter Meghan McCain has never been shy about… well, not being shy, pretty much. That's kind of her whole thing. She certainly plays up her thinking-man's-wild-girl image in her recent interview with Playboy, which moves from her political commentator bona fides to her ability to knock back whiskey with the best of them. She hits all the requisite notes: she likes Hunter S. Thompson, shotguns, and her cleavage. She doesn't like talking politics on dates. You know the words to this song.

But of particular interest to Playboy — because, c'mon, it's Playboy — is the escape McCain took with a few of her girlfriends around election day, which has the super-sexiest lead-in ever:

"The day before Election Day, I almost overdosed on Xanax. I had gained a lot of weight. I went up four sizes thanks to Starbucks and Snickers. Obamamania was at its height. I ended up going to Sedona with my girlfriends. All we did was play Rock Band for days and days and eat and sleep and hang out in bed watching TV. I was done."

Ooooo, Meghan, tell us more about your flight from media attention on the night of your father's defeat. Mmm, yeah. Tell us more about your mental anguish and the punishing stress. So hot.

No, but seriously, tell Playboy more. (Those guys will get hot and bothered watching grass grow, it seems.) Were there any… homoerotic overtones to this trip, perhaps?

PLAYBOY: Say a little more about the hanging-out-in-bed-with-girlfriends part.

MCCAIN: Watch it, mister. My friends from home came over to support me, and we got in my parents’ big bed. They have this huge California king and we just stayed up eating ice cream. I’m not a lesbian, if that’s what you’re asking. I’d be the first person to tell the world I was gay. I’m not private about anything. I think you should live how you should live. But I’m strictly dickly.

Is that a thing people say, "strictly dickly?" Is that the lady version of "no homo?" I have never before heard that in my life, so if it's new to all of you as well, let me take this moment to say: Meghan, you're a poet. A man-loving, hard-partying, definitely not gay poet.