This just in from Sad and Pathetic Weekly: the middle-school dream has been realized. You can now hire someone to be your girlfriend for five bucks.
The new website, Girlfriendhire.com, lets women offer their services to men [read: tweens eating cereal for dinner in their underwear] more effectively than ever before. For just five dollars, you can pay a girl to text you, poke you on Facebook, offer fashion advice, or even do your homework. Yes, that's right, homework is just one of many girlfriend services we ladies like to offer. The site was founded by none other than twenty-two-year-old dude Cody Krecicki, who told Buzzfeed that guys trust girls because they "usually end up getting better grades, they're more responsible," and they're "just all-around better with school." Krecicki adds that he doesn't want the site to become an "adult service" — he wants to keep it "fun and safe."
You know, fun. Like hiring a fake girlfriend to break up with your girlfriend for you. Keep it classy, fifteen-year olds. Keep it classy.