Ozzy Osbourne kicks off bizarre new sex & health advice column for “Rolling Stone”

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Ozzy Osbourne mugshot

It hasn't hit the newsstand yet, but Ozzy Osbourne's first health advice column for Rolling Stone is already causing a great deal of head-scratching. That is, people are wondering why the phrases "Ozzy Osbourne" and "health advice column" were put together in the same sentence.

Of course, it's not a serious endeavor and so a degree of Ozzy-ness is to be expected, so I was surprised by how normal his advice was in the first set.

In it, an RS reader laments the apparent end of sex in his relationship. He says his girlfriend always says she's too tired to play "a game of hide-the-sausage." Ozzy's response included a line questioning the reader's use of the term "hide-the-sausage," which also made me wonder about his maturity or ability to deal with a serious adult relationship. Then this: 

"As I've always said to Sharon, there are 24 hours in a day, so it shouldn't be so hard to make sure you spend at least one of them with each other. Go on a date. Have dinner together.
"Or put on a wig and a false beard, check into a B&B and shag the shit out of each other, like you're having an affair. Maybe she just wants more excitement in her life.  [Rolling Stone]

Would your advice differ from Ozzy's? I say he's pretty spot on, other than maybe adding that the reader could, you know, talk to her about it…