Earlier this week, Tucker Max was rejected as a prospective Planned Parenthood donor after attempting to donate $500,000 to the women's health non-profit. Why, you ask? Doesn't this mean he's had a change of heart and earnestly wants to provide an array of health-care services for women in need? Nah, bro, he actually just had too much cash sitting around from talking about all the chicks he's banged, and is hoping to get a little good PR.
Recently, Tucker emailed the following to media consultant Ryan Holiday:
"Ryan, I have a huge tax burden this year. I can reduce it with a large donation to charity, but I want to promote my new book at the same time. Can you come up with something cool that does both?"
"What if you gave a bunch of money to Planned Parenthood and they named a clinic after you? They need donors, it'd be awesome and you'd get tons of positive press out of it for a change."
And thus, a sleazy attempted publicity stunt was born. For a while talks were actually going well between Max and Planned Parenthood's North Texas affiliate, until they abruptly told him they couldn't accept the offer. Maybe someone saw this tweet?
Or maybe they just read his book. Or Googled him. Either way, Team Tucker was displeased at the organization's "self righteous" decision, and Holiday had this to say:
As a marketer, it was one of the stupidest and most depressing things I've ever seen. This would have been a win-win-win-win situation. Cut a check, keep a clinic open. Rehabilitate some of Tucker's PR. Reduce a tax burden. Encourage other donors. And most importantly: Help women keep access to vital reproductive services. But nope. So I tell this story not simply to call out Planned Parenthood – though they deserve it and more. Tucker wasn't trying to make a fool of them with the donation I set up, but they acted like one anyway.
Ugh, such fools, right?! It's like when you tell a girl you it's time to go home for some blowies, and she says no. I mean, she's probably blind or a lesbian or both, but still, ridiculous. But even if he loses money on the "I Hope They Serve Beer In My Abortion Clinic" t-shirts he's already had printed up for the occasion, Tucker should take heart: the kindred publicity-whore spirits over at PETA would like to welcome him with open arms.
In a public letter, the organization's president said they'd happily take on the rejected $500,000, and have highly specific plans for the money:
"We would like to purchase a brand-new mobile spay-and-neuter truck and name it "Fix Your Bitches! The Tucker Max No-Cost to Low Cost Spay and Neuter Clinic."
Well, not to support any of this behavior, but that is sort of a perfect charity tie-in for someone like Tucker Max. Holiday thinks so too, and says that he and Max are "seriously considering" the offer. Maybe this is the dawn of a new age for Tucker Max: still an enemy to women everywhere, but now a friend to the animals.
Image by Dave Herr.