News

New Diet Alert: Lose weight before your wedding with a feeding tube

Pin it

Hey guys! I saw this awesome episode of The Twilight Zone last night. So, you see this room full of women with feeding tubes attached to them, right? And you figure they all have some awful disease that forces them to sit in chairs attached to feeding tubes, and it's really evocative of how awful it must be to be hooked up to these things instead of eating. But then, the twist is that they're not sick: they're in some crazy society where women use feeding tubes to lose weight so they look pretty at their weddings.

Oh, wait. My bad. That wasn't an episode of The Twilight Zone from last night. It was a report from ABC News I read five minutes ago.

Apparently it's a new fad for women preparing for their weddings to go on a feeding-tube crash diet so that they can lose twenty pounds in ten days. The feeding tube pumps zero carbs and 800 calories a day in through their noses, making "The K-E diet" the second-most effective weight-loss method involving inhaling something through your nose. 

"It is a hunger-free, effective way of dieting," Dr. Oliver Di Pietro said. "Within a few hours and your hunger and appetite go away completely, so patients are actually not hungry at all for the whole ten days. That's what is so amazing about this diet."

It's impossible to find the logic behind something this insane, but it seems like the argument is that there are people out there who feel pressured to fit into wedding gowns — more pressured than they feel about doing silly things like eating and being healthy.

Maybe it's just me, but this diet seems like a great symbol of the type of person who puts more value in weddings than marriages. Your wedding shouldn't be the most important day of your life —  I think the day you meet the person you're marrying is more important, or maybe the day you realize you love them. If you're one of those people who has a wedding planned years before you even meet the person you're going to marry, maybe question whether you're emotionally mature enough to get married. You might accomplish what you want by having a Disney Princess birthday party.

And for the grooms of the women on this diet, here's a little advice: run. Run as fast as you can. You have ten days.