Right-wing Christian homophobe thinks “Mike and Ike” are gay and “sexualizing candy”

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Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, is, like his famous namesake, a psycho. And though he should just be ignored, his latest gripe is just too good to not comment on. Perkins has a problem with Mike and Ike's corny new ad campaign, which posits that the pair have split up to pursue separate interests. "Mike" is attempting to make it as a musician, and "Ike" aspires to be an artist. Perkins, natch, thinks that the duo's "gay divorce" is sexualizing candy and eroding family values.

On his Monday radio bulletin, Perkins talked about the $15 million ad campaign and the fact that "even candy has an agenda!" He complained:

"And I don't know what's more disturbing — that advertisers think divorce appeals to kids or that sexualizing candy will make people buy more. After a year-long build-up, the company will reveal if the couple reconciles. Until then, look for Mike and Ike to have a distinctly liberal flavor."

It's one thing to find ambiguous humor in fictional twosomes like Batman and Robin, Bert and Ernie, and Gilligan and the Skipper, as Robert Smigel could tell you. But it's quite another to broadcast hate using non-existent characters as a platform. Mike and Ike are merely names. (I can't believe I'm writing this.) If Perkins had gone after Bartles & Jaymes for their effeminate wine coolers back in the day, that would have made more sense. They were at least portrayed by actors.

It should be pointed out that, of course, parent company Just Born has never suggested that Mike and Ike (who, again, don't exist) were ever in a relationship. And if they had been, so what? Opposite-sex couples like Mickey and Minnie or Kermit and Miss Piggy never got called out for sexualizing children. (And interspecies romance is way more scandalous.)

Bottom line: if you're in the mood for some jelly beans the size of horse tranquilizers, you should be able to enjoy them free of sexual politics.