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Study: Marijuana totally kills your boner

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A new scientific review of studies on marijuana and sexuality found that the weed that you're smoking may be doing more than sapping your drive to succeed and making donuts more delicious. Researcher Rany Shamloul, a physician with appointments at the University of Ottawa and Queen's University in Canada as well as the University of Cairo, states that marijuana use might be inhibiting your "stoner boner." Yes, I just made that term up. 

According to the research, in tissue samples taken from five human-male penises and six rhesus-monkey penises, it was found that the smooth muscle tissue contained receptors for THC and that the presence of THC inhibited the ability for males to achieve and maintain erections. Another study found that a moderate dose of marijuana had little effect on sexual performance, but that higher doses of the drug made for fewer erections.

Personally, I say keep smoking if you want to; these findings aren't conclusive enough to put down the bong. I propose a study on whiskey-dick and its effect on my personal happiness. At least when a stoned dude can't get it up, you can still make a bunch of jokes together and have a fun time watching movies instead. When a drunk dude can't get it up, you're just left with a really irritating, idiotic, drunk dude.