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Those Gene Simmons condoms you never asked for are now for sale

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KISS the band.

There are a lot of places you never want to see the infamously long-tongued bassist of Kiss, your sexual partner's penis being first and foremost. (Unless Especially if your sexual partner is the infamously long-tongued bassist of Kiss.) So why does the Kiss Kondom bearing Gene Simmons' face and, yes, tongue exist?

Gene Simmons KISS condoms.

Because it's innovative! Graphic Armor, the unsubtly named condom manufacturer behind these rubber beauties, brags that not only do the so-called "picture condoms" meet "all FDA requirements," they're also "the first to feature full-color images on the latex" — an apparently complicated technology that not even Ke$ha's team at Lifestyles could figure out.

And that's a shame for her, because, lo and behold, Graphic Armor is already planning to unleash a Paul Stanley-branded line by June. Dudes who want to watch Ace Frehley's or Peter Criss' face go in and out of their partner, looks like you'll just have to wait.