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Watch Pat Robertson tell us God’s position on oral sex, as co-host squirms

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Wacky televangelist Pat Robertson turns eighty-two in a week, and I wish him a happy, healthy birthday because, well, we need the material. I still can't believe this guy was a heartbeat away from winning the 1988 Iowa caucus. (Thanks for not keeling over, Bob Dole!)

On Wednesday's 700 Club (I can't believe tons of people watch this show in its entirety, let alone hang on Robertson's every word), it wasn't the usual outlandish pronouncement that got our attention, but rather the awkward morphing of the show into The 69 Club. Awkward, at least, for co-host Kristi Watts, who was visibly uncomfortable fielding a viewer question about whether oral sex between a married couple is sinful. Watts nervously joked, "I'm too young for that question," but it was okay, the oracle had the answer. Robertson clarified (possibly with a goatish, geriatric leer):

"The Bible doesn't make that sinful. It's a question of what's in your heart. You know, what's in your heart. If to you it's sin, it's sin."

So dining at the Y, so to speak, is all good, as long as you don't feel guilty about it. Watts wanted to change the question, but there was parsing of what constitutes defilement of the marriage bed to be done. I'm digging this pro-weed, pro-oral-sex Robertson. Maybe I had the wrong idea about this guy. No, wait. I had the right one.