When you're presented with a bill at Joe's Crab Shack, you have options. The obvious one is to simply pay the tab. But Carolee Bildsten of Chicago found another solution: to run out of the restaurant and attack any overly inquisitive police officers with a sex toy. She's been charged with aggravated assault.
What kind of sex toy did the alleged criminal use? It's hard to say exactly; according to the Chicago Tribune, Police Cmdr. Jay Patrick called it “a rigid feminine pleasure device,” which is probably a dildo, or maybe a vibrator, but definitely not my nickname from college.
Because I know you're wondering, here's what the alleged assailant looks like:
Now you know.