If you're a valued member of the Entertainment Industry, this might be old hat to you, but it's certainly news to the rest of us: a leaked email from a woman eager to share her alleged one-night stand with Quentin Tarantino has been circulating around Hollywood. Of course, like so many other salacious stories about regular people having sexual encounters with public personalities, the racy email (not to mention pictures of pictures taken in a photo booth that night, shown above) has fallen into Gawker's grubby, carpal-tunnel'd hands. In the future, retired bloggers will have the ugliest knuckles!

The email is full of awkward details and cringe-inducing scene-setting ("this party now presents a conundrum"), but because we know you don't come here to read amateur erotica, we've edited the tale down to make it at least somewhat bearable. We'll pick up about four paragraphs and 173 name-drops after our anonymous heroine tells us, "QT puts an arm around me and I'm acutely aware that Quentin Tarantino has an arm around me." 

After a lengthy film discussion, Quentin suggests we head to bed, which is the point where I really start panicking. [...] We make out some more, there's a little below the belt action that I try to avoid, as QT has the most unattractive penis I have ever seen (short. fat. nub-like. The chode of all chodes. Boys, those junior high pamphlets are lying when they say that all shapes and sizes are normal. Lying.) Just as I'm about to hyperventilate over the fact that he may try to put that horrific bodily implement anywhere near my Britney, he leans over and goes "Hey..."

I know this "Hey." This is the "Hey, should I get a condom?" hey that accompanies 20 minutes of ungratifying sex. As I'm trying to rapidly think of ways I can agent myself out of this deal, I hear what is without a doubt, the strangest question in the history of my life.

Quentin Tarantino asks, "Can I suck on your toes while I jerk off?"

What. The. Fuck.

"What. The. Fuck." indeed! Wait, what's that you say? You want more of this? Gross! But okay:

And thus began the weirdest ten minutes of my life - having my feet made out with by an Oscar winning filmmaker while he pleasured himself. Truth be told, it wasn't so bad. I didn't have to do anything (a nice bonus, since I am undoubtedly the laziest person in bed, which some of you can attest to), no bodily secretions were ejected anywhere near me or my feet (thank god, because I imagine it would feel like walking in sand with wet I fucking hate that), and just as I hoped, we went to bed right after.

If you must, feel free to head on over to Gawker and read the email in its (redacted) entirety. We'll be waiting right here, as we've already promised ourselves we'd never go back there again.

Commentarium (23 Comments)

Jun 29 11 - 8:47am
DraperFan

The toe thing doesn't surprise me. Tarantino's foot fetish as been known for years now.

Jun 29 11 - 8:53am
Vinegar Bend

You shouldn't have published this

Jun 29 11 - 10:23am
FL

A foot fetish is probably the most common fetish around. Women's feet can be very sexy (I mean, what are pedicures for?) so getting all freaked out over this guy wanting to worship her feet isn't the end of the world. Half the problem is that women either don't get or want to get the whole foot fetish thing. C'mon, you know guys look!

Jun 29 11 - 11:38am
S

Yeah, I'm actually a little surprised by the "'What. The. Fuck' Indeed!" comment. I hope it's sarcasm, but the asides take on almost the same "Ew, GROSS" tone as the email. Anyway, this makes the email write look far worse than QT IMO.

Jun 29 11 - 12:49pm
completely

I've heard estimates that put it around 10% of guys. So yeah, acting like foot fetishes are some bizarre, unique perversion is pretty silly.

And ugh, at the "all penises are not normal" line. Could you imagine something like that being said about vaginas without every woman in the blogosphere demanding the writer's head on a platter?

Jun 29 11 - 1:41pm
zw

10%? I'd put it a lot higher than that.

Jun 29 11 - 10:56am
pop star p***y

Anyone else do a double take upon reading "I'm about to hyperventilate over the fact that he may try to put that horrific bodily implement anywhere near my Britney". Seriously? I've heard lots of names for vagina, but I've never heard it referred to as a "Britney". Maybe it has something to do with being Speared?

Jun 29 11 - 12:12pm
:)

I call it that often, it started when she was getting out of cars with no panties on...now we're always careful not to "flash our Britneys"

Jun 29 11 - 11:26am
fishstix

Awesome!

Jun 29 11 - 12:12pm
Lorelei Mission

Has the woman not seen any of his movies? His love of ladies' feet is obvious in his films. It's not a what-the-fuck moment at all. She just must be obtuse.

Jun 29 11 - 4:46pm
Kevin in MI

A perfect example is "From Dusk Til Dawn" when the dancer pours champagne down her leg and she happens to have her foot in his mouth drinking it.

Jun 29 11 - 12:13pm
:)

It's really irritating to me that the writer's name and face have been blocked out. Who cares about protecting her privacy when she put someone else's shit on blast?

Jun 29 11 - 12:49pm
KingPellinore

This.

Jun 29 11 - 12:51pm
completely

Indeed. And what, exactly, was the intended purpose of the e-mail? Because it certainly reads like it was written for an audience.

Jun 29 11 - 3:15pm
jack tragic

if you were so turned off, why the fuck lay down w/him and SLEEP. you are sexually immature and a very insecure little daddy's girl. what would you have done if he asked you for a "favour" for cold hard cash? starfucker. go see daddy.

Jun 29 11 - 4:09pm
i'm with jack tragic

I'm not turned off by QT's foot fetish, I'm grossed out by the cruel starfucker who bragged about it to her friends. Immature loser.

Jun 29 11 - 11:13pm
whatasillybitch

She makes him sound like some sort of pedofile creep who wears public masturbater trench-coat and whips his penis out to random bitches on the street. Also, if you can recognize Quentin at a party then you must know he has a foot fetish (especially because of shots of feet in all of his films). She should stop watching movies with Meg Ryan and get over herself.

Jun 30 11 - 3:30pm
thinkywritey

Poor. Sex-negative and poor.

Jun 30 11 - 6:15pm
rude

uh... so what? sex-negative much? people have lots of different fetishes. people have different body types. not sure why this is even worth talking about. what's gross is this woman's immaturity. if she wasn't interested, she should've said no. it's not like he forced her to do anything. geez.

Jul 01 11 - 4:21am
Suzanne

What a total bitch!

This is just a snotty loser who degraded herself (if you go by her statements) or whored herself out (more than likely) to get attention.

Jul 05 11 - 1:12pm
Scooby

What.The.Heck? She's complaining that she avoided having a sexual liason she dreaded [but apparently, wasn't dreading so much to actually say "No.F*cking.Way!" to it] by having a harmless little foot massage instead? What an ungrateful b!tch... ;-D

Jul 06 11 - 10:51am
Twolane

Quentin needs a facial. In fact, he could use major surgery. I wonder what it was like for her waking up next to that monstrosity.

Jul 14 11 - 10:11pm
Parker

Nerve is WTF-ing over a foot fetish??