Women discover why men don’t call them back after two-night stands

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First, there was a writer at lady-affairs blog The Frisky, who recounted the tale of an amazing two-night stand she had with a man who, "POOF," disappeared just like that. Miffed, she looked to her smarty-pants friend for an explanation.

“Look,” said my oh-so-wise friend, “There may be no difference to you or I, so long as it’s clear that it’s just a casual thing. But I think for dudes, three is a trend. A trend is a pattern, a pattern is consistent, and holy s**t, relationships are consistent. Therefore, you have sex with a girl three times and he starts to freak that it’s getting into relationship territory. Hence, the two-night stand.”

No comment. At any rate, another female writer at another lady-affairs blog, this time Lemondrop, caught wind of this and conducted some of her own research. But instead of asking another woman, she asked twelve actual, red-blooded men. From "Dev, paralegal," to "Anthony, Italian," she got a pretty good cross section of theories.

"Why did we call you for sex on Friday and on Saturday if we're never going to call again? Uh, I don't usually sober up till Monday morning." — Eric, bookmonger

"Sometimes, sex the first time is good but probably not as 'all encompassing' as the guy would like. The second night, he can test some boundaries. Maybe she'll let me try the no-no zone. Oh my God, she's into it! Awesome. Too bad it freaked me out and I'll never call again." — Chris, journalist 

"I would imagine a man might 'two-night stand' because he likes sleeping with that person, but doesn't like them as a person that much. Also, you don't have any better plans for that second day." — Anthony, Italian

"Sometimes a guy really likes a woman, but she's so bad the first time that he gives her a second shot. And sometimes he knows after the first night it isn't going to work. However, she's cool enough to be his 'pretend girlfriend' for the weekend. It's nice to vacation from stressful single life with a comforting monogamy weekend." — Ryan, writer

"I have a two-date attention span. It goes nicely with my two-hook-up attention span. Then, it is time to move on." — Dev, paralegal

"A lot of times, you go to her place and she has a nicer apartment than you have and no roommate and no crazy neighbors who play salsa music all morning at deafening levels and her sheets are clean and she has a Jack Russell terrier puppy and you love dogs, but your landlord won't allow dogs and she's a cute girl after all who is willing to touch your penis for another day. As for not calling again — what are we, getting married? Jeez …" — Jordan, blogger

No comment times six. You can read the other six excuses explanations over at Lemondrop. Might The Hairpin release its own two-night stand feature soon? Stay tuned.