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Brett Ratner resigns as Oscar producer, world heaves collective sigh of relief

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Brett Ratner has withdrawn from his role as producer of the 84th Annual Academy Awards. The Rush Hour auteur and X-Men franchise despoiler cited his controversial statement, "Rehearsal is for fags," and the heat that it drew, as his reason for dropping out.

I'd cite his apology letter, ("An Open Letter to the Entertainment Industry from Brett Ratner") but I can paraphrase it pretty easily:

People called me out on my fratty, douchey comment. I'm sorry they were offended.

People were mean to me because I said dumb shit, but I guess it's not as bad as what LGBT people face every day, even though I'm famous and therefore more important.

Apparently, if you're famous, you can't get away with locker-room talk, especially if you're doing it in a public Q&A session, or on The Howard Stern Show. I will now embark on a series of hollow appearances and half-assed talk-show stops that will attempt to convince everyone I don't suck.

I quit the Oscars, even though it would have lent a smattering of class to a career marked with so much crap, and this bums me out.

Once again, I'm sorry, but please look out for Rush Hour 4.

Sincerely,
Brett Ratner

Now, I have to police the comment boards, so I'm well aware that there's a raging debate over whether "fag" has passed into the lexicon (with people citing South Park as the supreme arbiter of this, for some reason) and therefore can be used free of its hate-speech implications. And yes, that may be a semi-valid point. But not when you're a talentless hack who came from money and continues to foist bullshit upon the American public. Then, you can watch your mouth.

Also, Brett, you're not a "storyteller." Rehearsal isn't for "fags;" it's for people who don't want to make shitty movies.