Cuba Gooding, Jr. helps out Aziz Ansari during Sundance set

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It's a Hollywood tale as old as time: once upon a time, at a film festival very, very far away, there was this standup comedian from this magical TV show called Parks and Recreation, who was slated to open for a gigundo hip-hop act/former Canadian television star at a private concert for all the royals of the land. After it was announced that the gigundo hip-hop act/former Canadian television star was running a bit late, the royals started getting restless, so they booed and jeered the standup comedian. In turn, the standup comedian responded with his standard kinda-funny-but-kinda-not-funny brand of observational humor, which in this case involved telling jokes about how weird it is that his friends keep having babies.

Yet just when all hope for our hero seemed lost, suddenly, from out of nowhere, a great god of a man, who once won an Oscar for something that may or may not have been Snow Dogs, swooped in from the sky. He grabbed the stand-up comedian's microphone, and said, "Hey, hey, yo! Cuba Gooding! Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! We got Aziz here, motherfucker. He's trying to make us laugh with his cock out, motherfucker. Shut up and let him do his shit."

Gradually, the crowd started to calm down, their anger momentarily alleviated by the presence of the great god of a man who once won an Oscar for something that may or may not have been Snow Dogs. As the stand-up comedian smiled wanly and thanked him for interfering on his behalf, the great god of a man said, "Black people, we gotta stick together, Aziz." And the stand-up comedian, who is of Indian descent, responded by making a joke about Cedric the Entertainer that to be honest, I didn't really get, and they engaged in some witty banter before the gigundo hip-hop act finally took the stage.

How does the story end, you ask? Why, the stand-up comedian got his magical appearance fee, the gigundo hip-hop act probably had mouth intercourse with at least forty-seven beautiful maidens after the show, and the great god of a man won his second and third Oscars in 2012, one for his role in George Lucas' Red Tails and the other an honorary award for his voiceover work as Buck, the Domestic Horse in 2004's Home on the Range. And they all lived happily ever after, motherfucker.