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David Cronenberg to direct Robert Pattinson in Don DeLillo’s “Cosmopolis”

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And I just cannot wait to see it. Don DeLillo's badass novel Cosmopolis is finally getting the movie treatment, care of David Cronenberg — and Robert Pattinson is all set to play Eric Packer, the novel's filthy-rich protagonist. The role was originally going to go to the just plain filthy Colin Farrell, but he instead decided to do a remake of Total Recall, like an idiot.

Look at what he's missing out on:

The project centers on a twenty-eight-year-old financial wizard and billionaire, to be played by Pattinson, as he traverses Manhattan in his stretch limo. His goal is to get a haircut at Anthony's, his father's barber, but on this day his driver has to navigate a presidential visit, an attack by anarchists, and a rapper's funeral. Stuck in traffic, he anxiously monitors the value of the yen on the limo's computer, his fortune in the balance.

The movie will also boast Paul Giamatti, Marion Cotillard, and my money, because I will give it to them to watch it.