While the love poem to the baseball stat-nerd community, Moneyball, was shut out at last Sunday's Academy Awards — and, let's be honest, rightfully so — it still might have had the biggest one-weekend status elevation of any Oscar nominee for one simple reason: it got the coveted Lady Gaga Bump.
Addressing her Little Monsters in the new issue of V Magazine, Gaga first ponders her assignment to write about sports ("Perhaps I would come up with some benign excuse, or feign some sort of city-girl confusion: write about sportswear? Or sports where?") before finding the perfect place to focus her fashionista energy:
I lay down on the airplane back from Japan, tossing around some dashi, fondling my pearls. I watched the movie Moneyball for the first time. I began to laugh and smile as [Brad] Pitt talked romantically about the game. I suddenly imagined that my pearls were teeny-tiny baseballs. When a player hits a home run, the baseball is flung into an abyss of enigma and screams so great. It travels so far that only rarely is one caught in the bleachers. Where do these balls go? Where do all these wins get encased? Are they in a heavenly baseball land floating around for players who pass to acknowledge? Or do they disappear?
The rest, as you'd imagine, is as brilliant as it is batshit insane. If someone's not currently scripting a "Lady Gaga Reviews All of the Oscar Movies" parody for a Funny Or Die-esque website, then people just aren't trying anymore.