You know how after you see a really good movie or read a really fantastic book or watch a really beautiful sunset, you're all, "Hey, life is cool and the world can actually be kind of okay sometimes?" You will probably not feel that way after the 1st Annual Golden Collar Awards, a ceremony created by the online magazine Dog News Daily, that celebrates the best performances from dogs in television and cinema.
The nominees for the prestigious awards were announced yesterday, so before we start pretending to be outraged by the politics of the awards committee, sending fruit baskets to those who were snubbed by the Academy, and gossiping about who's doing yeyo off a hooker's sideboob at Elton John's post-show party, we should probably run down who the lucky canines are first. Obviously Uggie, the dog from The Artist and Water for Elephants (who's like the Chloe Moretz of the animal kingdom right now), is nominated, but so are the dogs from 50/50 and Young Adult. There are also dog nominees in the TV (Chelsea Lately, Entourage, Modern Family, and a man-person in a dog-suit from Wilfred), and reality TV (Giggy and Jackpot of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) categories.
While all of these dogs are winners in their own right, the true victor of the evening is, of course, the audience itself, without which the prodigious talents of these illustrious thespians would go unnoticed. Or, alternatively, the true winner of the 1st Annual Golden Collar Awards is Satan, because without his influence, no Adderalled-up marketing guy at Dog News Daily would come up with the idea for having a fucking awards show for fucking dogs.