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The Great Gatsby is sparklier than you remember in Baz Luhrmann’s adaptation

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The Great Gatsby — you've read it. You've loved/hated it. You've heard all about how the green light represents the dream of the future or banging flappers or bathtub gin or whatever. But have you seen it in 3D? I mean, you probably never thought you'd need to see a meditation on the American dream and the hollowness of the Jazz Age and the foibles of the upper class in 3D, but Baz Luhrmann is ready to give you what you didn't even know you wanted.

Featuring Kanye West, even:

Real talk: I love The Great Gatsby. I've read it like ten times. I love the parties, I love the clothes, I love how queer it is. I don't love that description about how Myrtle Wilson's boob gets torn off in the car accident [SPOILER from 1925] but it definitely stuck with me. So I'm conflicted about this whole venture.

I honestly do think Luhrmann's spangly style fits well with the book, even though he's not known for nuance. And I love Leonardo DiCaprio, Carey Mulligan, Joel Edgerton, and Isla Fisher. (Sorry Tobey Maguire — Spiderman 3 puts you on the Let's Wait And See list.) But I cannot get over how unnecessary and troubling the idea of putting this film into 3D is. What, exactly, will be jumping out at you from the screen? The troubling realization that your rampant consumerism belies an emptiness within your very being? Sounds like a blast.

On the other hand, we almost had a movie where Paris Hilton played Daisy, so… I guess we're lucky.