Alexander Skarsgard from True Blood wants to be the lead in 50 Shades of Grey movie

Let's do a little virtual poll: how many of you Nerve readers are planning on seeing the big-screen adaptation of the best-selling erotic novel, Fifty Shades of Grey? Nope? None of you? Let's try again: how many of you Nerve readers are planning on seeing the big-screen adaptation of the best-selling erotic novel, Fifty Shades of Grey, starring Swedish sex-on-a-stick Alexander Skarsgard as S&M-loving billionaire Christian Grey? All of you? Yes, that's pretty much what I thought. And don't think I can't see what you're doing back there, dude in the back. I understand this is very exciting news, but this is the internet, for God's sake, so please try to maintain a certain level of decorum. 

Before you get your panties in a twist, however, it must be said that Eric from True Blood hasn't officially signed up for the role yet: in fact, he just found out about it during a press conference for the upcoming film adaptation of Battleship, when a goddamn genius reporter suggested that he'd be a good fit for the role. After explaining the intricacies of the character to him (like, you know, that he's supposed to be really, really hot), Skarsgard smiled and said, "Where do I sign? He's got a sex chamber? My character [Eric Northman] has that on True Blood. He's got his little dungeon. I was born to play that part."

Skarsgard joins a long list of prospective Christian Greys, including Vampire Diaries' Ian Somerhalder, Chris Pine, and Michael Fassbender. However, anyone who has seen Eric Northman have Energizer Bunny-sex on True Blood knows that compared to Skarsgard, these dudes look about as sexually appealing as the Marx Brothers. If anyone was born to play a twenty-seven-year old billionare BDSM enthusiast, it's Eric.