Rock of Ages, the ill-advised film adaptation of the Broadway show featuring the music of such groups as Journey and Poison, released its first trailer today, and it is definitely… something that exists! To be honest, the past few days we've seen a lot of trailers for movies that feel disappointing already, from Battleship to Men In Black III, and throwing another one on the pile just makes me feel tired. And I don't want to put you through that pain, so instead of watching Tom Cruise and Catherine Zeta-Jones embarrass themselves, I've compiled five videos you can watch instead of this trailer.
1. Jobriath Performing "Rock of Ages" on a Musical Special Hosted by Gladys Night
2. Rock of Love Bus Trailer
3. "Rock Lobster" by The B52s
4. Deeply Off-Putting Wig Fashion Show
5. A Short Documentary On the Three Classifications of Rocks
So there you go! I hope you enjoyed one or more of these videos as opposed to not enjoying a very out-of-place Alec Baldwin in a wig from a high-school theater department. (Seriously, someone fire this casting director. Sorry, casting director. You brought it upon yourself.)
But maybe I'm being too mean. So I'll relent and post the trailer here. Just remember that I warned you.