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Harvey Weinstein invites Michele Bachmann to Butter premiere, hopes to get to at least second base

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Michele Bachmann

In a speech at the Toronto screening of Butter (The Weinstein Company's new satire about a small-town butter carving competition), producer Harvey Weinstein asked Michele Bachmann to "co-host" the film's American premiere.

The speech (which was written by Weinstein and read by Olivia Wilde) didn't explicitly state Weinstein's desires to heavily pet the Republican presidential candidate, but I know what it means when a boy invites you to see a movie — an hour and a half of nervous chest-pawing under the judgmental gaze of Bradley Cooper. Besides, despite all her crazy, Michele Bachmann is one foxy lady. 

Hormones aside, Weinstein's invitation isn't entirely off-base — Butter is a political satire in which a butter-sculpting champion's ambitious wife (played by Jennifer Garner) faces off with a gifted, young orphan. While critics have more frequently drawn comparisons between Garner's character and the Republican party's former squeeze, Sarah Palin, a Bachmann parallel isn't too much of a stretch. 

In the speech, Weinstein shares his plans for the big day, including an offer to fly in all of Bachmann's Tea Party friends:

I would like to take this moment to formally invite Republican Congresswoman from Minnesota and Republican presidential candidate, Michele Bachmann, to co-host with me the big premiere of Butter in Iowa in a few months from now. I know Michele will already be in Iowa for the caucus, so we can save some money on airfare and travel. I would of course be more than happy to fly in the other leading members of the Tea Party movement to make an entire day of it. We could take some math classes in the morning to help balance the budget, brush up on the Constitution in the afternoon, play some ping-pong and then maybe some verbal ping-pong on gay rights and women's rights (especially the right to choose). But at night we can all go hand-in-hand to the premiere of Butter, a fun and important film where we'll share some popcorn and laughs. These are the kind of bipartisan efforts that make America great.

No, Mr. Weinstein; what makes America great is the existence of Kraft singles, the undying popularity of Soulja Boy, and the fact that movies about butter-sculpting actually get produced.