Let’s watch Seth Rogen’s Independent Spirit Awards opener and pretend the Oscars were enjoyable

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Let's face facts: the Oscars were not good last night. They're never "good," really, but this year the ceremony was just boring. Say what you will about the haphazard, hammy, possibly drugged-up hosting job performed by James Franco and Anne Hathaway last year, but I'd rather see an off-beat mess with occasional moments of hilarity, intentional or otherwise, than the bland slog Billy Crystal took us through last night. I read a lot of people saying you can't go wrong with Billy Crystal at the Academy Awards, and I hope those people are appropriately ashamed today. Because they were wrong. (Putting yourself in clips from the nominated movies?! Daring. What's next, you crazy genius — a musical number?! Oh.)

But what if the Academy Awards were actually entertaining? What if they chose a host who was willing to be a bit more shocking? What if there were jokes that you hadn't heard back in 2004, or 2000, or 1998, or when your Uncle Randy got really drunk at Christmas? What if there was no blackface? What if you watched the telecast and had fun? My friends, this is not some impossible fantasy: this is the Independent Spirit Awards, which took place on Saturday. Who won? Well, that doesn't matter so much, because the results were almost identical to the Oscars' except both The Help and The Iron Lady were ignored. (That Best Actress race was the only one with even a little bit of frisson, right? Right.)

But man, Seth Rogen killed it in his opening monologue:

Can we get him to host next year? (Haha, no. Not a chance. Never.)