Recently, the NYPD arrested a group of five men who made up a burglary crew responsible for some sixty-two robberies in Brooklyn and Queens; the gang told the police that they took their cues from the Ben Affleck crime drama The Town. That film — which starred Affleck, Blake Lively, John Hamm, and Jeremy Renner, among others — followed the exploits of a group of Boston-based bank robbers who like to dress up in terrifying nun outfits. (See above.) The real-life thieves didn't copy that move, though:
Police say the burglars splashed bleach on ATMs and cash drawers to try to destroy DNA evidence. They also cut power to their target locations and used miners' headlamps to see what they were doing in the dark.
An NYPD spokesman said Tuesday that the suspects told detectives they'd watched the bad guys in the Ben Affleck-directed film do the same thing.
My first reaction was that the movie's tips didn't work, but on second thought I realized that sixty-two is a pretty impressive number, considering I probably couldn't even get away with a single crime. (Except for that arson. Shh.) So here's a handy list of other things you can learn from Ben Affleck films, in case you're in the mood to educate yourself:
Armageddon: How to seduce with children's snack food.
Good Will Hunting: How to encourage a friend to follow his dreams.
Gone Baby Gone: How to fake a kidnapping for
fun and profit.
Gigli: How to lose Jennifer Lopez and also your reputation.
Pearl Harbor: How to lose even more of your reputation.
Forces of Nature: Advanced reputation losing.
Dogma: How to react to late-stage Alanis Morissette songs.
I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her on a Meat Hook, and Now I Have a Three-Picture Deal at Disney: I've never seen this, but it's apparently real. How to sound terrifying?
Ben Affleck: truly a mentor to us all.