Omigod, Demi Moore is like totally divorcing Ashton Kutcher

Pin it

After weeks of tabloid stories of husband Ashton Kutcher's infidelity with a rando blonde chick, and years of being the butt of all cougar jokes/mistaken for Jennifer Connelly on the street, Demi Moore has apparently decided she's had enough. In a statement released to the Associated Press, Moore revealed that she's filing from divorce from Kutcher after six years of marriage:

"It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I have decided to end my six-year marriage to Ashton. As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life. This is a trying time for me and my family, and so I would ask for the same compassion and privacy that you would give to anyone going through a similar situation." 

Following his soon-to-be ex-wife's graceful and dignified example, Kutcher tweeted via his alter ego, Smokey McPot, that he was sorry he's been a totally sucky husband, but last night was totally crazy and there were some space nerds and transsexual strippers and a continuum transformer involved and since then, he's learned that he should probably cut back on the shibbying.

JK! Kutcher is nothing like his character in Dude, Where's My Car. He's actually a really serious and eloquent person, which is why he tweeted the following after news broke of his divorce:

"I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi. Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail. Love and light, AK." 

You know that your six-year marriage was really something special when the announcement of your divorce is preceded by a message in Spanish to the Two and a Half Men fans in Mexico. But anyway, thanks for the memories, guys. It's been a hot, sexy, Stwitter-filled, Kabbalah-braceleted, vacant-eyed and woodenly-acted six years.