Scrubs creator defends Zach Braff from mean reviewer with surprisingly enraged letter

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Critics are annoying, but they're also a necessary evil. How else will we know to avoid things like Green Lantern? (Other than common sense, of course.) Bill Lawrence, the creator of Scrubs and executive producer of Courgartown, isn't new to bad reviews — the first season of Cougartown and the last roughly 500 seasons of Scrubs were routinely disparaged and dismissed. But Lawrence was cool about it, and probably did what the rest of us do when faced with a negative review — talk shit to our friends about the reviewer behind their backs.

And yet, when faced with a bad review of his buddy Zach Braff's new play, All New People, Lawrence went a little loco and couldn't help but send a letter to the author. Witness:

You hate Zach Braff. You hated him before you saw his play. You say it in your first line. Is it fair, then, that you evaluate his new work? Let’s say I hate cherries. I hate the taste, plus a girl named Cherry broke my heart and, I don’t know, killed my pet turtle by feeding it too many — you guessed it — cherries. Should I be the one to tell everyone how your Mom’s homemade cherry crumble tastes? What am I supposed to do, Scott? May I call you Scott? I can’t talk about how much I liked Zach’s play. I know and love him; I’d be too biased. See the irony there? My only option, then, is to indulge every bitter writer’s fantasy. I’m going to review your review.

Scott Brown’s latest work opens with an Ally McBeal reference, a joke that hasn’t been fresh for a solid twenty years. It then descends into a kind of silent dog whistle that only pretentious tool bags can hear: "hubristically deliberate bid … for the Exhausted Aughts … emo simulacrum of actual feeling." Scott, do you wear a monocle?

It's a pretty intense, and intensely personal, response to a buddy's bad review. Are they just really good friends? Or does Zach Braff have some dirt on this guy?