I know I don't have to tell you there's a new Haley Joel Osment trailer — he's been on your Google Alert since Google was invented, thank you very much — but just in case you missed it, Mr. Sixth Sense has a new movie teaser out. And it's called Sassy Pants. And it lives outside your most feverish dreams.
The basic story of Sassy Pants is not, disappointingly, the tale of four girls who discover that one pair of fuchsia, bedazzled MC Hammer pants somehow fits them all, but it's got plenty of great curveballs to make up for it. Bethany (Ashley Rickards) is cinema's favorite shy high schooler. She has an overbearing mother (Anna Gunn of Breaking Bad) and a laissez faire father (Diedrich Bader)… whose much younger lover is Haley Joel Osment. Who, I repeat, wears a lot of short shorts. He also has whack hair and, in one scene, what appears to be a barbed-wire tattoo around his arm. Or maybe a bracelet. (I hope it's a barbed-wire tattoo.)
Then Bethany learns to break free and yadda yadda yadda — did I mention that part where Haley Joel Osment had crazy hair and short shorts? Just wanted to make sure that was clear. What isn't clear is what the titular Sassy Pants refers to. I guess it could just be the expression, but my money is on Haley Joel himself. Also, not to criticize a totally sublime and incredible trailer, but a little "Send Me on My Way" followed by the narrator of every family movie saying "Sassy Pants" really would've killed this.