Watch: Leonardo DiCaprio and Armie Hammer don't make out in the "J. Edgar" trailer

There is one reason I'm going to see J. Edgar, and it's not Clint Eastwood's directing. (Sorry, Clint! I still really liked Mystic River! Not Space Cowboys, so much.) This reason: I am a terribly shallow person and I want to see Armie Hammer and Leonardo DiCaprio make out. I don't think that's so much to ask, but this trailer doesn't deliver the goods — all we get is some hand-holding and Judi Dench crying:

Um, one other thing: I can't imagine this holds true in the movie, but the trailer kind of makes J. seem like a heroic scamp. Like, "I invented fingerprinting! Sometimes you have to bend the rules! Hee hee!" You know, as if he didn't persecute people for their political beliefs, attempts to gain their civil rights, or sexuality. Anyway, all will be forgiven if the making out is hot enough, Clint.