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Watch: Second trailer for “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” hints at huge mess of a story

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Disney, let this sleeping dog lie. (Or, take it out back and shoot it. She's not my dog, but I'll do it.) Because the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is getting increasingly convoluted as it heads into its fourth film. From what I can tell in this new trailer, this installment will feature about six or so main characters, a barrel of supernatural creatures, and some more historical inaccuracies. (Many pirates were, for instance, sanctioned by one crown or another.) Once more into the breach:

Fountain of youth, blah blah blargh. I love a lot of the actors in this film, but Disney will never recapture the magic of the first film. (Magic/Orlando Bloom's cheekbones.) During the last PotC, I snuck some vodka into the theater to make it palatable. This time around, I'm thinking… a different movie, on an iPad.