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A new Fiona Apple album will totally come out this year

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For the past seven years or so, the long-awaited follow-up to Fiona Apple's 2005 album Extraordinary Machine has in certain circles attained near-mythical status, like Bigfoot or the Illuminati or your cousin's best friend's girlfriend who totally had sex with one of the Backstreet Boys when they were on tour a few years ago. But according to industry insiders, it seems that a new Fiona Apple album will "absolutely" be released sometime this year, making the transition from waifish, hyper-articulate, NYU-student dream, to waifish, hyper-articulate, NYU-student reality.

Although rumors of a new Fiona Apple record have been floating around for years, fans started re-crossing their fingers last Sunday, when Epic Records chairman and CEO L.A. Reid tweeted, "Lots of good music coming from @Epic_Records in the next few weeks. Stay tuned music fans. Welcome back Fiona!!!"

Following Reid's tweet, every white person between the ages of eighteen and forty promptly pissed their pants, retweeting the news and sharing lyrics of her old songs. Even notorious sparklegrouch Perez Hilton got into the act, tweeting, "I'm so happy I could cry!"

Of course, any Guns N' Roses fan who became eligible for Social Security benefits while waiting for Chinese Democracy knows that this kind of thing should be taken with a grain of salt. So a skeptical Time magazine reporter contacted Epic Records directly to find out if the tweet was true. A spokesperson for the label acknowledged that Reid's remarks were "taken a little bit out of context," but she did promise that a new studio album was slated for release in 2012. "It'll absolutely be this year, but timing-wise, I don't know exactly when," she said.

I'll tell you exactly what time it'll be released: Awesome O'Clock. Zooey Deschanel, start packing your adorkable bunny-shaped bags, 'cause the Queen of Blue-Eyed Hipsterdom is reclaiming her throne.