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Alleged Bieber baby mama “quietly” drops paternity suit

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While you were watching the GOP debates and the OWS protesters getting kicked out of Zuccotti Park, the course of human history was silently shifting under your very nose. Mariah Yeater, the young woman who was allegedly impregnated by Justin Bieber after unprotected sex in a bathroom, "quietly" dropped her paternity suit against the pop star last week, says TMZ. After reports emerged that Yeater had also accused her ex-boyfriend of fathering her child, Bieber's defense team threatened her with a counter-suit and her lawyers withdrew from her case. So much for what would have been the coolest Maury paternity-test reveal of all time.

Although the paternity suit was a blow to Bieber's squeaky-clean image, Yeater's claims seemed sketchy from the start. A sixteen-year old boy who regularly wears purple velvet sweatpants doesn't seem likely to tell a woman he "wants to fuck the shit out of her" in a men's restroom, as Yeater claimed; if she'd said he asked her to play Lazer Tag, or go glow-in-the-dark bowling, or give him a handjob under a Navajo blanket while watching Glee in his basement, then maybe her story would've been more believable.

Still, we all really wanted to believe that Yeater was telling the truth about Bieber, for the same reason the tabloids love pointing out Lindsay Lohan's coke boogers: we love putting youth, beauty, and (questionable) talent on a pedestal, only to knock it right the fuck off. With the suit out of the picture, it's going to take a few more opportunistic Yeater-types coming forward and a crystal-meth possession charge to bring an end to Bieber fever, but that probably won't stop people from trying.