Last night in New York City, an event took place that signaled the end of war, hunger, famine, and natural disaster on the planet. Or, alternatively, depending on who you ask, last night in New York City, an event took place that signaled the arrival of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and we can all expect Woody from Cheers to come pounding at our doors in a poncho, shrieking about nanotechnology and the Institution for Human Continuation (IHC) lottery. Most importantly, however, last night in New York City, an event took place that hopefully signaled the death of the word "Babyonce" in the pop-culture vernacular. That's because Beyonce and Jay-Z's much-anticipated spawn was born last night via C-section at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York.
The baby's name is Blue Ivy Carter, though some publications have reported her name is Ivy Blue, and no infant has prompted a greater ruckus on the Internet since that video of that chain-smoking Indonesian baby. We don't know the baby's birth weight, or what time it was plucked out of Beyonce's cranium with a scalpel and a fishing rod (that is what a scheduled C-section is, right?), but we do know that Bey checked into Lenox Hill Hospital Friday night under the name Ingrid Jackson, and EOnline reports that the couple rented out the entire fourth floor for the occasion.
Naturally, a whole mess o' celebrities were atwitter on Twitter over Blue Ivy's birth, with Gwyneth Paltrow tweeting "Welcome to the world Blue! We love you already" and Rihanna following up with, "welcome to the world princess Carter! Love aunty Rih." Of course, non-Rihanna/GOOP-y Internet types reacted somewhat differently to the news. The theory that "Ivy Blue" backwards is "Eulb Yvi," or Lucifer's daughter in Latin, has been taking Twitter by storm since this morning, with others postulating that Ivy stands for "Illuminati's Very Youngest" and Blue "Born Living Under Evil." There's also some shit about the "I" and V' in "Ivy" standing for the Roman numeral IV, which apparently has some non-conspiracy theory-related, non-Satanic significance in the couple's life, and is thus probably not really worth any further discussion in this venue.
So let's all say a big fat "Congrats" to Bey and Jay for the arrival of
future lord and savior Satanic spawn baby Blue Ivy! May you grow up to be as sassy as your mom, as badass as your dad, and at least ten times more well-adjusted than Suri Cruise.