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FBI ranks Juggalos as a threat to national security
By EJ DicksonOctober 29th, 2011, 11:00 pmComments (9)
In an annual report on gang trends known as the National Gang Threat Assessment, the FBI has stated that the Insane Clown Posse fans known as juggalos — or juggalettes, if you have a uterus and really, really love to drink Faygo — pose a threat to national security by engaging in "gang-like criminal activity, such as felony assaults, thefts, robberies, and drug sales." The fans of the Detroit rap group are notorious for wearing clown face paint, as well as for the annual Gathering of the Juggalos convention, which, for the uninitiated, is like Woodstock with wet T-shirt contests and wrestling in lamb's blood.
Although Juggalos have been accused of criminal behavior in the past, with police departments in Utah, California, and New Mexico classifying them as gangs, most Juggalos deny any connection to gang activity, and ICP members Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope have spoken out against Juggalo violence. (Although you'd think someone who goes by Violent J would be, like, I don't know, an advocate for violence, particularly of the J variety, that totally isn't the case. You see, FBI, these guys are softies! They might as well be shilling organic yogurt in Whole Foods ads and releasing James Taylor cover albums.) The FBI document acknowledges that "most crimes committed by Juggalos are sporadic, disorganized, [and] individualistic," but identifies active criminal subsets of Juggalos in more than twenty states.
If the Juggalos are to be classified as vicious, warlike gang members, much like the Lords of Hell in the 1987 classic Adventures in Babysitting, then at least they're in good company: the document also names MS-13, the Crips, and the Bloods as other potential security threats. Meanwhile, the Juggalos will continue to prove that Juggalos are not a gang by posting on their aptly titled Facebook group, "Juggalos are NOT a gang." 'Cause they be droppin' the mad family values, bitch.
Commentarium (9 Comments)
So I guess we can just kill these douchebags and it's justifiable homicide?
What?! You can tell a gangsta by the fact that they listen to rappers who can rap. ICP are a joke
F'ing gangs, how do they work?
Rich (mostly) white trash got Burning Man, poor (mostly) white trash got The Gathering. We all need our outlets for the id. The fact that most crimes are Juggalo "individualistic" means that this is not generally gang-based criminal action.
And if you have never had Faygo, you are missing some damn good retro-style soda pop. Red Pop will permanently stain clothing, just imagine what it is doing to your insides.
Fuck wat u bitches think mmfwcl
fuck u mainstream bitches i am 18 n a juggalo and yet still a functioning member of society. i am in highschool, as a straight A student, very athletic and not fat, i have the upmost respect for everyone i meet (unless u disrespect me and do me dirty) and one of the most generous people u will ever meet. i love my family with all my heart and always stay true to my juggalo fam as well. so if u wanna say juggalos are fat stinky trailer park trash u better state ur facts on every single juggalo there is instead of making some stereo typical remark about the juggalos tht do stupid shit n give us a bad name cuz if u wanna play tht game then every politician is a dirty sleezeball and has a scandalous lifestyle, and every golfer cheats and gets beat up by his wife, and every white dude is a dumb redneck who beats on his wife all day long, or every black guy is a pistol packing drug addict who sells crack on the corner, or every priest molests lil boys. just because SOME of them do it. but thts not true so as i was saying there are true juggalos out there that ARE functioning members of society and if u open ur fukkin eyes ud realize tht every person is different and should not be classified for the radicalists in tht certain group or religion so please get ur facts straight n stop fukkin judging people by what ppl in tht group do as individuals thank you and have a nice fukkin day.
Shit, I'm a Big Cuddly Teddy Bear, if I'm a gangster, then I'm the least scary gangster there is. What? Am I going to run up on your and kill you with faygo? with... big cuddly teddy bear hugs?
This is ridiculous. I'm a juggalette, & have been for 10 years. I am also an upstanding Christian woman. U am a productive member if society, I pay my taxes so that all those gang members, drug dealers & users, white trash, & illegal Mexicans can have their food stamps & Medicaid. So if I'm considered a threat to national security then this country has literally gone to shit. God help us.
fuck yeahhh!!! a threat to national security! not true but a pretty fuckin cool label lol