If you are anything like me, you will be spending Super Bowl XLVI eating cereal and watching Titanic with limited commercial interruption in between obsessively reading the player stats for every dog in the Puppy Bowl. If you are not a total saddo one of the 111 million Americans tuning into NBC tonight at kickoff, however, you may or may not be disappointed to find out that Madonna, who is performing during the halftime show, insists there will be no "wardrobe malfunction" during her performance (a reference to Janet Jackson's infamous nip slip during the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show).

It's rumored that Madonna will be singing a new song ("Gimme All Your Luvin'") and three of her old hits ("Vogue," "Music," and "Like a Prayer") during her twelve-minute set, and she'll be performing with Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. (LMFAO and Cee-Lo Green are also slated to make appearances.) Yet despite this lineup of notorious envelope-pushers, Madonna insists that the halftime show will be "a spectacular show... for all age groups and a feast for the eyes and ears."

Given Madonna's penchant for shock value and subverting audience expectations, it's pretty clear what this means. So set your DVRs and keep your speed dial at the ready, because this year, I predict that Madonna will be showing 111 million Americans her vagina. Yup. Screw the FCC, screw the slight delay in airtime: if that isn't what she meant by a "spectacular show for all age groups" and "a feast for the eyes and ears," we probably don't want to know what kind of freakideakiness Madge has in store for us tonight.

Commentarium (9 Comments)

Feb 05 12 - 9:28pm
awaidd altar,

Well, she was right, no wardrobe malfunctions. No actual singing, either -- I know she can sing live, and they've had fully live performances many times in the past, so why was she lip-syncing the whole set? Pathetic.

Feb 05 12 - 11:13pm

Agreed. Also, I predict the outrage will be over MIA apparently flipping the camera the bird.

Feb 06 12 - 12:25am

I'm normally firmly against lipsyncing but apparently the soundmixing for arenas is very difficult and even good singers would sound off. There was no opportunity to do a soundcheck in advance because, well, the Superbowl was going on. I thought it was forgivable and the performance overall was very good.

Feb 06 12 - 10:09am

I wouldn't be surprised if the NFL insisted on the lip-syncing. It helped them avoid giving MIA a live mic.

Feb 06 12 - 2:45am

I've never seen Madonna wear so many clothes. What do you call the opposite of a wardrobe malfunction?

Feb 06 12 - 9:40am

Didn't Madonna's performance look like a Jeanna Maroney TGS sketch from 30 Rock?

Feb 06 12 - 11:49am

Keep your clothes on. Who wants to see an ancient has been half dressed anyway?

Feb 06 12 - 12:29pm
tiaBri Luscus

Springsteen, McCartney, etc. had no trouble singing live @ the Superbowl, why should Madonna?

Feb 06 12 - 2:01pm
Mean Mr. Mustard

Because she SUCKS!