There's an old Lewis Black bit where he claims that the end of the universe is located in front of a Starbucks that stands directly across the street from another Starbucks. On this corner, Black says, "time stands still." Now, the universe is once again fucking with our fragile little human brains with this clip of Madonna segueing from "Express Yourself" to a cover of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way"; which, as the pop culture-savvy among us might recall, was accused of copycatting "Express Yourself" when it was released last year. Look at your watch, 'cause time totally just stood still.
The footage, which is from rehearsals for Madonna's upcoming tour, shows Her Madgesty performing her 1989 hit "Express Yourself" in Tel Aviv. About a minute into the clip, she starts belting out the chorus of Gaga's "Born This Way," launching into an uncomfortably passive-aggressive mash-up of the two before repeatedly singing, "she's not me/she's not me." Jeez, someone must be taking a break from their macrobiotic vegan diet, because bitch just served up a slab of Grade A, USDA-certified, top-choice beef.
In the past, Madonna has not shied away from articulating her feelings about the comparisons drawn between the two songs. Although she's occasionally expressed her admiration of Gaga, describing her as "cool" and reminiscent of a younger version of herself, in an interview with Newsweek last January, she told reporter Jacob Bernstein she thought "Born This Way" was a "wonderful way to redo my song… I mean, I recognized the chord changes. I thought it was… interesting."
As we all know, saying something is "…interesting" is the middle-school-cafeteria equivalent of informing someone you would like to disembowel them with a curtain rod in front of their friends and loved ones, so it's safe to assume that Madonna's cover of Gaga's cover of Madonna was not intended in the same friendly spirit as, say, Vanilla Ice's cover of Jedward's cover of Vanilla Ice's cover of Queen and David Bowie (yes, that is a real thing; and no, once again, your watch isn't broken, the universe just momentarily came to a halt). I smell the most epic, sparkly, attention-grabby catfight ever. Let the (bedazzled Gaga monster) claws come out!