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Paris Hilton guests in Manufactured Superstar’s surreal and uncomfortable music video, “Drunk Text”

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Paris Hilton is finally getting the attention she deserves as an actress. Everyone's favorite pre-Kardashian drain on society is featured in a new video by Manufactured Superstars, "Drunk Text." The song takes us into the seedy underground of the over-privileged white-girl party scene, and showcases the hardships of having way too much free time and money. 

The clip opens with a powerful statement from Hilton herself:

I went out to the club the other night to, you know, dance with my bitches. That guy was there again.

Instantly, a vivid portrait is painted in our heads. Who is this guy? What did he do to offend Paris Hilton? Is he short? Or worse, poor? How much Ed Hardy was he wearing? Not since "Blowin' in the Wind" has a song inspired such burning queries. Luckily our questions are answered:

He's like: "I'm sorry for what I said last weekend." I told him I didn't mind, which was a lie. But I was equally sorry and I didn't want to apologize — it was just a drunk text. 

Paris' spoken-word recitations throughout the rest of the song have a kind of forced gravity to them — it's like she wants us to believe that she's like, rilly serious, but it just sounds like she's confused, because words are hard for her.

Dear rich white girls: music like this is the equivalent of minstrel shows from the early 1900s. It's a blatant misrepresentation of white-people culture. The only club I'm in on a Saturday night is a turkey club with extra bacon. 

Dear poor people from around the world: sorry, this really isn't what we're like all the time. 

Dear Paris again: are you unaware of the irony of guesting in a song by a band called Manufactured Superstars? Because that's… sort of what you are? Never mind. 

Anyway, enjoy, you fucking masochists (I speak as one of you).