A few days ago, Miley Cyrus caught some flak from Internet types for being photographed with a penis-shaped cake at boyfriend Liam Hemsworth's birthday party (above). This incident, compounded with the controversy over Cyrus being presented with a ganja cake at her birthday party a few months back, would lead most people to conclude that Miley Cyrus is either a typical nineteen-year-old girl with occasionally questionable judgment, or an ideal candidate for an exceptionally badass celebrity edition of Cake Boss.

Rather than find Miley's encounter with the penis-shaped pastry endearingly vulgar, however, conservative watchdog group the Culture and Media Institute treated the incident as the final layer of icing atop a figurative "Miley Cyrus is a godless whore" Satancake (which, y'know, is like a regular cake, except filled with fire and brimstone and Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps' pubes). The organization, which aims to "preserve and help restore America's culture, character, traditional values, and morals against the assault of the liberal media elite," recently slammed Cyrus for her "sleazy" behavior, calling the penis cake "disgusting" and Miley herself "the epitome of the anti-role model for young girls."

This is not the first time the CMI has aimed its specific brand of self-righteous indignation at the former Disney pop princess. After Cyrus released her video for "Can't Be Tamed" in 2010, the group coined the term the "Miley Cyrus Effect" to describe the trend of young girls "act[ing] like trashy adults" in public. This time, however, the CMI views Cyrus's SexyCakes snafu as indicative of a larger trend of "Hollywood promoting women behaving badly," pointing to the upcoming raunch comedy Bachelorette starring Kirsten Dunst as evidence that the "liberal media elite" is turning female moviegoers across the country into vodka-swigging, pot-smoking, penis-cake-licking prostitution whores.

So let's say, for the sake of argument, that CMI has a point. Let's say that all the women in Hollywood — Miley Cyrus, Kirsten Dunst, the entire cast of Bridesmaids, and Flo the Progressive Insurance Lady — are collectively turning the ladies of America into foul-mouthed, ill-mannered Dane Cooks with uteri. If this is the case, then let me just be the first to say that that is fucking awesome, and we should all thank Miley for her contributions to American feminism by driving over to the nearest Wal-Mart and buying up every single DVD of The Last Song

Commentarium (17 Comments)

Jan 28 12 - 8:29pm
pot-er head

The fact that she went from Disney Princess to let's get hammered and smoke weed makes her the best role model I can think of. It goes to prove anyone can grow up to be a drunk whore, with or without college.

Jan 28 12 - 9:05pm

Moral outrage from the right. This is big news. Next we need to conduct a study on the wetness of water.

Jan 28 12 - 9:22pm
pot-er head

a few months back the Wisconsin state senate discussed and came to the conclusion on what constitutes a bike.

Jan 30 12 - 1:32am

And...? AND???!?

Jan 28 12 - 10:05pm

Yes, yes... but most importantly, did they eat the cake and did they swallow?

Jan 29 12 - 3:20am

Flo. The Progressive Insurance lady. Her name is Flo.

Jan 29 12 - 1:20pm
EJ Dickson

Goddammit, my b. Thanks!

Jan 29 12 - 9:20am
The Left

We see Cyrus' actions as entirely appropriate and classy but we don't know what either one means.

Jan 29 12 - 11:14am
visit!Ve out

Miley *is* sleazy and disgusting, but not because of the cake. (Which, BTW, it looks like she's preparing to give a rim job. Way to go, Hannah!)

Jan 29 12 - 5:03pm

"we should all thank Miley for her contributions to American feminism by driving over to the nearest Wal-Mart and buying up every single DVD of The Last Song."

Wha??! My head just exploded.

And what exactly is a "prostitution whore", besides (apparently) a synonym for feminist? Does the first noun modify the second in some way?

Jan 29 12 - 8:24pm

What's the big deal. She is an adult. If girls need a role model, they should look to someone worth emulating

Jan 29 12 - 9:03pm

Really? On Nerve of all places you cant show a penis cake? I thought you were all about making sex and sexuality (including penises and vaginas!) less taboo. By doing editing it you're just promoting the "this is bad and needs to be edited". Thanks for conforming Nerve! What an inspiration to all of us!

Jan 30 12 - 12:52am

At no point did you maybe think blurring out the penis cake was a joke?

Jan 31 12 - 12:17am

Not I. Nerve stopped being about sex a while ago. Ironic, really, since my office JUST blocked it under the category "nudity" And it works like shit on my iPad.

Jan 29 12 - 9:03pm

So, I'm the only one wondering why she'd give her boyfriend a cake with penises all over it...?

Jan 30 12 - 12:47pm

I totally want to party with this chick.

Jul 20 12 - 5:18pm

Why does Liam have a penis cake?? Is he gay? I don't get it. It's just odd. If it was for Miley bachellerete party, then I'd be like whatever. But Liam having a big dick on his birthday cake? Just werid.