Just when you thought emo was dead, Fall Out Boy singer/guitarist Patrick Stump published a 1,564-word blog entry — unfortunately, not on LiveJournal — titled "We Liked You Better Fat: Confessions of a Pariah." The (former?) rock star, whose recent solo album flopped, laments that "I'm a 27[-year-old] has-been," destined for "financially unsuccessful obscurity."
It's a time-consuming, painfully introspective read. Here are the most self-loathing-heavy passages:
1. "The reality is that for a certain number of people, all I’ve ever done, all I ever will do, and all I ever had the capacity to do worth a damn was a record I began recording when I was 18 years old."
2. "Fall Out Boy's last album … was our most critically panned and audiences openly hated it (it was also our poorest selling major label album even if one adjusts for the changing music economy). … The barrage of 'We liked you better fat,' the threatening letters to my home, the kids that paid for tickets to my solo shows to tell me how much I sucked without Fall Out Boy, that wasn't something I suppose I was or ever will be ready for."
3. "Add into that the economic risk I had taken [In short: I blew my nest egg on that record and touring in support of it] the hate really crushed me."
4. "I still have access to enough money to live on in order to avoid bankruptcy for at least a few years as long as I stick to my budget… Still, there’s no amount of money in the world that makes one feel content with having no self respect. There’s no amount of money that makes you feel better when people think of you as a joke or a hack or a failure or ugly or stupid or morally empty."
5. "If anyone's going to appreciate the work I’m making, it won’t be until long after I'm done doing it. … It's as though I’ve received some big cosmic sign that says I should disappear."
6. "I hate feeling like the awkward adult husk of a discarded once-cute child actor. I'm debating going back to school and learning a proper trade."
7. "I've managed to cobble together some work…I’ve been moonlighting as a professional songwriter/producer for hire and I’ve even been doing a bit of acting here and there. I have no interest (and evidently that sentiment is reciprocated) in performing music publicly any time soon…"
8. "It's tempting to say I won’t ever play/tour/record again, but I think that's probably just pent up poor-me emotional pessimism talking (I suppose can be excused of that though right? I am the guy from That Emo Band after all)."
9. "[T]here will still be 10-20 percent of the audience there to tell me how shitty whatever it is I’m doing is and how much better the thing I used to do was."
10. "I've been watching a lot of Downton Abbey and I've finally caught up on the Office."