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When Madonna does the Super Bowl, she really does the Super Bowl: the video for "Gimme All Your Luvin" — I cannot tell you how much that spelling of "loving" drives me up a wall, BTW — finds her, Nicki Minaj, and M.I.A. in full pander mode, donning cheerleader outfits and teasing a whole bunch of football players with their bangin' bods. (Seriously, though: Madge is fifty-three and looks sick.) The song is super-catchy, which is good news for the pop icon, but I can't help but feel like her guest stars, who are kind of known for "killing it" and "bringing it hard" and "other slang term for being awesome," have been underused. I mean, M.I.A. is basically like "fuck this noise" the whole time:
Let them do their thing, Madonna! I can only hope that at the actual half-time show — which will be the best moment of my life, because I love football and I'm also super-gay — she allows her cavalry to bust out a bit of their own work. And then I also hope, as the video hinted, that Madonna beheads Tom Brady. I think that would be a pretty spectacular show, and would definitely get more buzz than Janet Jackson's nip slip. My apologies to Giselle.