News

Conservative Super P.A.C. claims Obama lied about being “metrosexual, black Abe Lincoln”

Pin it

As conservatives search for any way to unseat President Obama this fall, some both hilarious and depressing plans for framing him in the worst light possible are being considered. Billionaire Joe Ricketts, owner of the Chicago Cubs and founder of TD Ameritrade, is looking to put a considerable amount of money, via super PAC, behind a large-scale campaign slamming the President, and is currently considering several proposals. One of them, recently secured by the New York Times, looks to resurrect the specter of Rev. Jeremiah Wright all over again.

There's a lot to roll your eyes at here, if you're an Obama supporter. For one thing, this feels like a pretty tired old tune — one which, incidentally, didn't work four years ago. Is it that much to ask for some new material? Are you going to roll out Orly Taitz from her crypt deep within the heart of Crazypants Mountain next? Plus, for whatever incendiary things Wright has said in the past — and he certainly has — it's fairly common practice for members of any congregation to stray from the beliefs of its leader. (Catholics using birth control, can I get an amen?) Also Obama's been president for over three years now and it seems pretty obvious he's not some tired, ridiculous stereotype of an angry black man who wants to start a race war, or whatever it is these people think.

But let's put that aside for a moment, because the proposal also includes a plan to hire an “extremely literate black conservative” as a spokesman, one who will reveal Obama mislead us all into believing he was — and I absolutely love this — a “metrosexual, black Abe Lincoln.” It's a bit confusing; their issue is that he falsely portrayed himself as such, but I can't imagine they'd actually like a metrosexual black Abe Lincoln in the White House. (I guess they're looking to poach Independents. Do Independents bite at the Wright bait?) But you know what? I think they're absolutely correct. Because a real metrosexual would never wear those absolutely awful mom jeans the President for some reason has not yet set on fire. (Michelle, could you do it? Please?) And I think we can all agree, that's the real crime here.