Donald Trump to make “major” announcement tomorrow

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Human Brooks Brothers mannequin/anthropomorphized merkin Donald Trump announced today that he will make a "major announcement" tomorrow at 12:30 at Trump International Hotel and Tower in Las Vegas. If you're not yawning and flipping through a Perez Hilton post about Lana Del Rey's alleged new ass injections by now, you're probably wondering, "Well, is he gonna announce that he's jumping back in the race?" The answer is, evidently, no: according to a spokesperson, who says that while announcement will "pertain to the presidential race," Trump is expected to endorse one of the Republican candidates tomorrow, two days before the Nevada caucuses. 

And if you're not yawning and flipping through a post about Lana Del Rey allegedly being responsible for the 1914 assassination of Archduke Ferdinand, the Jim Crow laws in the South, and the character of Jar Jar Binks, you're probably wondering, "Well, which candidate is he endorsing?" According to CNN's Las Vegas affiliate KLAS, Trump will be endorsing Gingrich (which, frankly, makes more sense than anything I have ever heard before ever).

Although Gingrich says he's unaware of Trump's plans, both Trump's office and Gingrich's campaign refuse to deny speculation that the Donald will give his endorsement tomorrow. So there you have it: tomorrow afternoon, a wealthy white male will publicly express his support for another wealthy white male. There's your earth-shattering news for the evening. Now have fun reading about Lana Del Rey and her alleged love child with Satan. ("What have you done to its lips?!")