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Duggar family endorses Rick Santorum, nation copes with the shock

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Duggars

America's foremost tastemakers, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar and their child army, have finally revealed their 2012 political allegiance. This one might be a little startling, so please sit down, do your yoga breathing exercises, and swallow your beverages. It's Rick Santorum.

Jim Bob and twelve of his children rolled up to a Santorum campaign stop in Iowa in a bus, with "Santroum" proudly painted on the exterior, on Monday afternoon. (Spelling is placed only marginally above sex education in the Duggars' education priorities.) Jim Bob then addressed the crowd at the Pizza Ranch restaurant, saying:

"[Santorum's] somebody that doesn't take a poll to know where he stands. I'm asking families, Christians all over America to get behind Rick Santorum for the next president of the United States."

The Duggar patriach mainly praised Santorum for his strict anti-abortion policies, while putting down morally bankrupt Mitt Romney. Apparently, Jim Bob asked Romney why there was a $50 co-pay included in his Massachusetts health care plan for women seeking abortions four years ago, and Romney walked away without a response.

As much as Jim Bob likes Santorum (he even made let some of his kids stay up until 5 a.m. on New Year's Eve to paint their bus), he did admit that there's only one perfect candidate: Jesus Christ. And you know what Jim Bob? I say accept no substitutes. Until Jesus is a viable candidate, you should just abstain from the political scene. And leave my TV in peace. It's what a real Christian would do.