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Recently, Hustler magazine ran a Photoshopped image of conservative pundit/New York Daily News columnist S.E. Cupp engaging in fellatio, accompanied by the caption, "What would S.E. Cupp look like with a dick in her mouth?" (The answer, by the way, is "profoundly surprised." Which, when you really think about it, is probably how most of us look in that context; Photoshop or no Photoshop). Unsurprisingly, the photo didn't go over well with both conservatives and left-wing feminists, who are publicly denouncing the magazine and accusing publisher Larry Flynt of sexism. Now, Flynt has responded to these allegations by issuing a statement saying, "Well, duh. Obvs I'm sexist. Does the Pope shit in the woods?" Just kidding. He's actually arguing that the image is "satire," and that Hustler isn't sexist at all.
In a statement to the Daily Beast's Abigail Pesta, Flynt responded to accusations by "the prudish and delusional right wing" that the magazine is "waging a war on women" by running the photo:
That’s absurd. The picture was clearly labeled as satire. It was intended as humorous commentary about her politics. We stated that no such image of Ms. Cupp actually exists. Secondly, the feature, which we run every month, has previously depicted such male luminaries as Mario Cuomo, Dan Rather and, most recently, my friend Bill Maher. How misogynistic or sexist is that?
Flynt defended his right to publish the photo, citing the First Amendment and the 1988 Supreme Court decision Flynt vs. Falwell (Falwell sued Hustler for claiming that the minister had lost his virginity to his mother in an outhouse). He then went on to issue a (totally unsolicited) defense of the practice of oral sex, claiming, "We don't know anything about Ms. Cupp's personal life, but we do know that oral sex is practiced by the majority of adult Americans, both male and female. The fact that the picture of Ms. Cupp has generated so much flap says more about the sexual repression of the American people than it does anything else. Oral sex is a normal and healthy practice."
OK, you guys, we can all rest easy now. Larry Flynt says it's OK for Americans to have oral sex. And if a hard-core pornographer who Woody Harrelson played in a movie once says a sex act is normal and appropriate, then we can probably take his word for it. Free BJs for everyone!
In all seriousness, though, this whole thing is just one big bowl of wrong. It kind of makes you just want to take Larry Flynt and S.E. Cupp aside and say, "Listen, Larry, it's totally not cool to Photoshop dicks in women's mouths, regardless of whether you disagree with their political views; and S.E., it's totally not cool to want to defund Planned Parenthood and just generally be completely terrible. Let's just shake on this, call it a day, and go out for mojitos." But of course, the tone of political discourse in this country doesn't allow for that: there will always be S.E. Cupps saying dumb stuff on TV, and there will always be Larry Flynts to draw penises in their mouths. God bless America, everyone!