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You know what really grinds Rep. Allen West's (R.-Fla) gears? Things that make people's lives easier by enabling them to do things they couldn't do before. Like, for instance, a recent Florida regulation that requires all public pools, spas, and hot tubs to be handicap-accessible with permanent lifts. Rep. Allen West is angry about this law. He's probably as angry about it as he would be if someone, say, invented a low-cost and risk-free home teleportation device, or a machine that lets you eat anything you want without gaining weight, or anything that would greatly contribute to the quality of others' lives.
Rep. Allen West is angry. And you wouldn't like him when he's angry. REP. ALLEN WEST SMASH.
Why is Rep. Allen West so angry, you ask? Well, probably because Rep. Allen West's parents didn't read to him enough as a child. But that aside, Rep. Allen West says that the new regulation would pose a great financial burden to South Florida hotels and other public pool operators, who will have to spend approximately $10,000 to install handicap-accessible lifts in their pools before the law takes effect in May. As Rep. Allen West explained to the Sun Sentinel:
"This is another example of the bureaucratic nanny-state not considering the economic ramifications of its insidious regulatory policies. I have talked with and received letters from several South Florida hotels saying this is a wasteful exercise that will cost Florida businesses a lot of money and accomplish nothing."
Rep. Allen West also predicts, in his trademark, Rep. Allen West™ foreboding tone, that hotel managers will be forced to shut down their hotels if they fail to meet the May deadline, potentially yielding "devastating" consequences for the Florida tourism season.
Here, Rep. Allen West™ brings up an interesting point. Because if the Florida hotels are shut down, where will all the elderly tourists who go down there every year stay? I mean, you gotta figure most of these guys have limited, if not close to zero, mobility, so whatever pool they choose to do their water aerobics in would probably have to... like... address those physical limitations. Somehow. Not sure how. Hmmmm.
Well, this is a real brain-buster. Who wants to take this? Anyone? Rep. Allen West?