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Fox News guest says allowing women to vote was a “mistake”

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Hey, ladies! Are you planning on exercising your constitutional right to vote in the upcoming presidential election? Well, before you tire out your poor lady brains trying to figure out the polling machine, or accidentally cast a vote for Ryan Gosling, you better think again, says Tea Party supporter/frequent Fox News guest Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson. The founder of the conservative group the Brotherhood Organization for a New Destiny (BOND), who is also buds with Sean Hannity, recently gave a sermon in which he claimed that allowing women to vote was "one of the greatest mistakes that America made." How delightfully retro! Except he forgot to mention that those of us who can swim are probably witches, and that our periods attract bears. 

If you didn't get your morning coffee with a shot o' crazy today, you can watch Peterson's ten-minute rant above. But here's a sampling of some of the pearls of wisdom that the Good Reverend showered upon his congregation:

“I think that one of the greatest mistakes that America made was to allow women the opportunity to vote. We should have never turned that over to women. It was a big mistake…these women are voting in the wrong people. They’re voting in people who are evil, who agree with them…Men in the good old days understood the nature of the women, they were not afraid to deal with them. Wherever women are taking over, evil reigns." 

He's right, you know. Allowing women the opportunity to vote was one of the greatest mistakes this country ever made. Not slavery. Not the genocide of the Native American people. Not Jeff Foxworthy. Giving women the right to vote. Because bitches be totally crazy and stuff. And you know how I know this? I saw that movie Swimfan once, and the blond girl in it was a total nut job. Would I let her within a few yards of a polling station? Would I want her to have any say in our great nation's electoral process? No, I most certainly would not. And we all know that Erika Christensen's character in Swimfan is representative of the behavior of all American women, everywhere. Great. Good. I'm glad we settled this. 

Hey, Sean Hannity? I just made a really great argument. Can I have a BFF bracelet and a guest appearance on your TV show now?