It looks like the fundraising efforts of former House Speaker Newt Gingrich aren't going so well: recently released numbers show that his campaign took in three million dollars less in February than it did in January, and he spent $200,000 more than he raised. And though he's consistently come in third behind Romney and Santorum in the primaries, Gingrich has said he fully intends to ride this thing all the way to the Republican National Convention in Tampa. You don't stand a chance against RomneyBot3000, which can literally print money from its mouth, if you don't have any cash!
The obvious solution? Monetize what few assets you have and start charging supporters fifty bucks a pop for a photo with the candidate! Sure, that might seem like a lot of money for a measly snap of you and Gingrich together, but it's not as bad as what some candidates will charge you:
“Some campaigns make you travel all the way to Wall Street to pay $2,500 for a photo with a candidate,” campaign spokesman R.C. Hammond said in a statement. “We chose to do it differently and ask our supporters for a nominal donation.”
In case you're curious, Hammond is referring to plutocrat contender Richie Q. Moneyface, who has been running his entire campaign from a golden throne deep in the bowels of Goldman Sachs, where supporters toss bags of gold doubloons into his goose-fat-slicked hands while eunuchs feed him dragonfruit sprinkled with diamond dust.
The campaign is also pushing swag at its online store, where you can buy such necessary items as Gingrich-branded dog bandanas. Stay tuned for next month, when further dismal numbers will force Gingrich to start selling locks of his hair and pints of blood in order to keep this ship afloat.