Herman Cain suspends presidential campaign

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Republican horndog Herman Cain announced today that he is suspending his shaky presidential campaign, as a lack of funds, and about 999 problems with being overfamiliar with various women over the years, has thrown the writing on the wall into high relief. Just as President Clinton inhaled, the message here is clear: Herman Cain is done, to the regret of of corny-pizza-joke lovers everywhere. Which means the possible Fox gig will come sooner, and he can now focus on his new website ( and maybe the Koch Brothers speaking circuit.

Making the announcement from his campaign headquarters in Atlanta, Cain said, "Becoming President was Plan A. And before you get discouraged, today I want to describe Plan B." Plan B may entail being "a voice for the people," but I'm sure it will also involve capitalizing on his brief day in the sun. Cain said, "These false and unproved allegations continue…to create a cloud of doubt over me and this campaign and my family."

The big blow, of course, was a woman named Ginger White taking to the airwaves on Thursday, and announcing that she and Cain have had an on-and-off affair for over thirteen years, telling MSNBC that "It wasn't a love affair, it was a sexual affair." Cain admitted to buying her silence giving money to White to assist her with "month-to-month bills and expenses," but denied the sexual part.

So the Cain train has run out of steam, and it's been a fun, though unorthodox, ride for Cainiacs. The saddest part of this whole thing is the lamentable loss of all the potential wacky attack ads we would have been entertained by.

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